


Fighting Everything

by FairyNiamh



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, POV First Person, Paralysis, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-04 20:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim runs from his feelings and Bones until he can run no more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Losing the Path

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caera1996](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/gifts).



> Currently Un-Beta'd

I’m here to tell you a story. The story of how I came to be where I am right now. It’s not a happy story, well, not at the beginning anyways. However, what is a life’s story without a touch of angst, happiness without sadness, laughter without tears?

It’s nothing, empty without meaning and I would hate for my life’s story to be a forgettable tale. My early years are textbook. No, that’s a lie. My father died a hero. My mother loved me, but couldn’t stand looking at me. My brother ran away when he was a teenager and Frank – well, the less said about him the better.

I had some happy memories. Sadly, the bad outweighed the good. You would think it would be the weight of having a hero as a father that would be the worst, but the worst was watching four thousand people were slaughtered for nothing more than a man’s ego. Yeah, Tarsus wasn’t fun.

This, of course, causes me some problems. To forget the images that are always in my mind I take to drinking. This was not the wisest of choices, I know, but it was an easy solution to a complicated problem. Fight, fuck, drink, or run. That was my way of saying 'fuck you' to the world. It had done nothing for me, so why should I do anything for it.

Then I had to go and run into Pike. Of course, he just HAD to dare me to do better than my father did. I suck at turning down dares. This meant that I met Leonard ‘I only have my bones’ McCoy. Who was just as bitter as he was and once he cleaned up he was sexy as hell.

McCoy – that is where my story gets interesting. Occasionally, I see him, unconsciously, glance into my eyes as he passes me. His eyes seem closed off, unreadable. It drives me mad. I like simplicity and transparency... He is neither. Why does he tempt me so with his closed-off eyes and even more closed heart?

I already know his name is McCoy, Leonard McCoy. Ha, James Bond much? He is a doctor, divorced, and he hates flying. However, what lies beneath all of that? Every single attempt I make to scratch at his wall - to get closer to that core which is him; is met with irritated words and a cold exterior.

It is maddening - he is maddening. I want to penetrate that guarded inner circle of trust; he defends so closely and yet keeps so empty. So, I poke at the wall, worming my way closer to his core, always smiling and never letting him know just how much power he truly has over me. FINALLY, my efforts begin to pay off, and I am declared his friend. Being his friend means, I can tell him of my antics, and he gets to hit me over the head when he feels I am being stupid. This must occur often according to how frequently he slaps the back of my head is any measure. It is still not enough for me; I know it should be… but for reasons I cannot fathom, I am at my most greedy when it comes to me. I am not in that inner circle yet, and it is driving me mad with want and need.

I do eventually find out that his ex-wife’s name is Carol Marcus. She had a stellar career of her own and did not want to taint her work with the name of an unknown. Meaning she never took Bones’ last name. Luckily, he never had any children with the ice bitch. Though she still took him for everything, he owned.

Still my attempts to gain more of his attention and trust are getting more desperate. I take risks that go beyond even my comfort level - yet he does nothing but grumbles and patches me up after my latest round of fight or fuck is over. I realize with a start; that with each touch of his hands, I have steadily fallen for him.

Oh shit, how in the hell did that happen? I am supposed to be a playboy! A man who every woman wants to be with and every man would want to be or at least the ass they want to tap; I am not supposed to feel my heart skip a beat when I think of southern drawl and a cranky doctor. Shit, James T. Kirk; the untouchable playboy and all around a man’s man has fallen in love with a grouchy country doctor, who has shown no interest in returning these foreign feelings that have sprung up from within my heart and my damned brain. I force myself away from him and in moments of confused insanity I become even more reckless; though I am not going to him now, nor do I seek medical attention in any form from another. I want to hurt. Moreover, I want to hurt him for turning me into whatever this is that I have become to have these feelings.

I claim to be too occupied to go hang out at our weekly bar hopping sessions. I am also busy to take his calls. He actually bought this for all of two-week thanks to midterm exams and my insane schedule. Of course, that would not hold out for as long as I felt I need or want.

Lady luck proved that she loved me when my last class ended well before Bones was scheduled to be finished. I would be on my Spring Break long before he finished with his final biology exam. I quickly pack a bag and made my way to Hawaii. I am sure this will be the last-place Bones would never think to look for me and I conveniently forgot to pack my communicator; thus making me even harder to find. Yeah, if Bones ever talked to me again, it would be to yell at me; but I cannot risk his heart or mine. I hate that I will surely lose his friendship; however, I can watch over him from afar and make sure that my taint will never harm him.

I bury my sorrows in ‘fun’. I take the time to learn to surf and give my hand to parasailing. During the day, I manage to forget exactly what I am running from. At night when the people sleep, and the surf has calmed. I remember Bones smile...his looks of aggravation the trials I went through to earn his friendship and how quickly I tossed it and him away. Perhaps tomorrow when I visit the volcanoes the Goddess, Pele will claim my body and my wicked heart as a living sacrifice.

In fact, when I dive deep into the ocean to see the live rolling lava and I plan to go right up to it and tempt fate. Of course, the damned guide divers make sure everyone stays a safe distance from the lava, rotten bastards. With all of my running around and risk taking adventure, no harm comes to me in Hawaii. Spring break is over, and I will now have to face Bones and find a way to break all contact with him. I will deal with my heartbreak silently and bravado… like I always do.

I step off the transport and see Bones looking as if he was prepared to explode. I take a deep breath and square my shoulders willing to take any verbal and/or physical beating; he is ready to dish out. I deserve no less. I hear a loud bang behind me and see Bones running toward me before I feel the heat and pressure of the exploding transport. I remember having to stop myself from grinning when I physically fly over his head and land hard on the concrete. I did not want to grin because I found it funny. I wanted to laugh because in that instant... I saw a look of true concern in Bones’ eyes and I could almost believe that he might just like me in the same manner as I like him.

I hear Bones calling my name, and I think he may be holding my hand. I am not really sure though. I clearly remember coughing and pain lancing through my chest and then just as suddenly as it appeared the pain stopped.

It dawns on me that I am getting my wish… I am dying. I give a chuckle and motion for Bones to lean down subsequently I say the words I swore he would never hear from me, “I love you Bones.” I figure if I was dying anyhow, then there would be no harm in him knowing how I feel. What happens next can only be described as… weird. I feel no pain, but I could clearly see the chaos all around me. The bodies of some of my fellow passengers are scattered about. I can see people screaming and running…, but I cannot hear them.

Some people are obviously doing a body count because some people. The bodies are already covered in white sheets. As I watch the blood seep through some of the covers, I can only hope that they passed quickly and painlessly. My heart breaks when I see a child no older than four… maybe five shaking the body of the person I assume is her mother trying to get her to wake up. I go to pull her away, knowing her mother is beyond all help… but I keep being pulled and knocked away from her. I scream at people to look and to help the poor girl, but no one is paying attention to me. I go back to Bones and try to get him to do something, and I notice he is working frantically on a battered and obviously dead body. I want him to give up and help this little girl, and then I notice the bloodied face was my own.

I really was dead… and Bones was not giving up on me. I am not sure if I should laugh or cry when Bones punches the person, who is trying to pull him away from me. He should be happy to see me go, right? I ran away without a word of warning. So, why is he working so hard to save me? In addition, why is he crying as he is breathing for me?

I watch in morbid fascination as he compresses my chest over and over before breathing for me again. I see his lips moving... I wish I had taken up lip reading, so I could know what he was saying. One thing I am sure of is that he is getting very angry with me. I wince when he punches me across my face not because I can feel it, but because I know, it should hurt.

I shake my head and look for the little girl; I saw earlier. I am thankful that someone finally spotted her and taken her away. Her mother's body still lies there now covered in a white sheet with one hand sticking out desperately grasping the edge of a small coat. I hope that she will know her actions saved her daughter and optimistically the daughter will have a loving father to embrace her and love her through this tragedy.

I feel a quick sharp pain in my abdomen just above my navel area and look down. I quickly look at my body and feel my heart break. I can see myself in Bones embrace. My eyes stare unseeing at the sky and my mouth slightly open. There is a bare trickle of blood slowly flowing from my ears and nose.

There can be no mistake that Bones has finally accepted my death and is at the beginning stages of grief. The man has been through so damned much... and now I am selfishly putting him through more. I feel the tug again and this time it is accompanied by the feel of something wet and warm on my face. I look closer at my lifeless body and see one of my fingers twitch.

Death throes? No, that does not seem quite right. I watch as a woman tries to gently pry my dead body from Bone's desperate grip. They already have the white sheet of death covering my legs and half of my torso. ‘They should use a different color of material,’ I think to myself as the blood from one of my legs starts to slowly stain the sheet.

I again look at the woman and see her standing over her own body looking at me. She has a sad smile on her face as if to reassure me that everything would be ok, and that she knew much more than I did at this point. She nodded her head to my dead body and made a shooing motion with her hand. She looked longingly at the little jacket then looked at me and put her hands together as if in prayer. It finally dawned on me that she was asking me to make sure that her daughter was going to be all right.

However, how could I? I was dead. My lips were blue, and I am sure rigor mortis was starting to set in. I looked back to my body and saw Bones with teary-eyes finally release my body and grab the sheet that was to be my death shroud and start to pull it up all the while looking deeply into my dead eyes.

~TBC… (Fic is finished, just not all posted, I have to edit each chapter before posting.)


	2. Healing

I could not do this to him or to that woman who had given her life to save her daughter. ‘I want to live!’ I yell to whoever will hear me.

I feel one last yank on my navel, and suddenly I feel all the pain of my broken body. I twitch and moan in pain.

“JIM,” I hear Bones yell. I can feel the air rush by me as the sheet is ripped from my body.

“Ow,” I say with a faint chuckle as I feel his arms crushing me.

“MEDIC! I NEED A DAMNED MEDIC NOW! Stay with me Jim. Don’t you dare leave me again.”

“Who?” I ask pointing in the direction where the mother who protected her daughter lay.

“Don’t worry about that Jim. Worry about getting better and then worry about explaining yourself to me. WHERE IS THAT DAMNED MEDIC?”

I relax as much as I can. He is right I am of no use to anyone at this moment - however; as soon as I was better, I would search for the little girl and make sure she was doing well. I knew I would never forget that sight, for as long as I lived, and it would haunt me until I found out.

“Hey Jim I need you to open your eyes and stay with us,” I hear Bones tell me softly with a gentle slap to the side of my face. I open my eyes and notice at once that we are no longer on the ground, hell; we are not even outside.

I hiss as the transport carrying me jostles. I cannot tell where my pain is because I hurt everywhere, however, I can tell that I am crying as my vision is blurred, and I can feel the tears running across my face and behind my ears.

I vaguely remember seeing lights quickly passing overhead. I was probably in the hospital at this point, but I cannot be certain. Everything has turned fuzzy, and I feel disconnected from reality. My pain is once again gone, this time; I am praying that I shall live. I have to make up with Bones, and I have to find out about that little girl.

My arms and legs feel heavy and hard to move as if I am swimming in a sea of thick sludge. My head is light and the pain in my back - gods it is unbearable. It feels like someone has taken sandpaper and removed all of my skin. I open my eyes and start to panic, as I see nothing.

“Don’t panic; you’re safe.” Bones whispers as I start to hyperventilate. I cannot move my head, and I cannot see.

“Wha?” I managed to get out. My throat is dry and sore, like the rest of my body.

“Calm down. There was an explosion, it was an accident, not terrorists.”

“Dreen,” I push out hoping he understands my request.

“Shh, I’ll ask the nurse for some crushed ice. Just - just stay calm all right?”

I try to nod my head only to be forcibly reminded of my limited mobility. Bones is back quicker than I would have thought possible and running a graciously wet washcloth across my dry lips. It both hurts and feels glorious all at once.

“The nurse will be in here in a moment with ice and probably some pain medication. I told them you were in pain am I right? Are you hurting?” Why did I ever run from this man? He knows me better than I know myself.

“Baa,” I get out as I try to say back. I hope that my voice will return to me.

“Yeah, I figured it would be your back. They cannot use the dermal regenerator on your back yet. You - well you died, once, in my arms, and then they said that they lost you a few times on the table as well. Your heart was already stressed to the max with your internal injuries; they did not want to stress it anymore; just to grow some damned skin. That’s why you’re lying on your stomach in pain. It was my call; you still had me listed as next of kin. It is not to punish you; I just can’t risk losing you again.”

“Sor,” is as much as I get out before he is shushing me again. I know I am not supposed to talk, but I just need to say something to him, but I am getting tired and I know trying further would be useless.

“We can discuss everything once you are feeling better. You were out for the last thirteen days. Now that you are back with us, they will probably want to use the regenerator on your back and get you into physical rehabilitation… and a psychologist for trauma. Thank you nurse,” I listen to everything you have to say, hoping that I will be able to remember it all. I hiss as I feel a hypo on the tender area of my neck. “I’m trained… why don’t you let me do that next time? No, I don’t care that you think I’m too damned close to the patient. There is no living soul on this planet or any other planet that knows this man, as well as I do, and I do NOT like seeing some ham-handed nurse cause him pain! Yeah, you go ahead and tell the doctor what I said. I am almost certain M’Benga will tell you to let me do what the fuck I want. Get out of here! Go on, get!”

I silently chuckle listening to Bones take his frustration out on some poor nurse. It was nice to hear it again and even nicer that it was not being used against me.

“Damned nurse should have put it in your IV instead of your neck where you’re burned,” Bones muttered before gently pressing a small piece of ice between my lips. “If we work this just right you’ll be allowed to drink water tomorrow or the next day. In the meantime, it’s a feast of crushed ice liberally laced with painkillers and antibiotics. Go ahead and sleep in Jim. I’m here, and I don’t plan on leaving your side anytime soon.”

I fall asleep to Bone’s voice echoing in my ears and the feel of small chunks of ice melting on my dry tongue. My heart feels lighter than before. I am alive. I can make amends to Bones and find the little girl who still haunts my thoughts.

When next I wake, I am on my back slightly propped up in a hospital bed. I still feel pain, but it was dull and bearable. “Bone,” I squeak hoping that you are keeping your word and have not strayed from my side.

“Hey sleepy head; how are you feeling today?” Bones asks me while gently ruffling my hair.

“Thir,” I manage to get out with a croak. My throat feels like my I swallowed a cactus.

“Yeah, I imagine you are thirsty. It has been a few days since you had your last bit of crushed ice. No drinking just yet but I will go and get you some more crushed ice. See about getting those vocal cords of yours to work and then I really need to talk to you.”

I watch him hurry from the room and feel a tight knot form in the deepest parts of my stomach. That last line he muttered has me worried. I hope that he will not be telling me that he will never see me again. True I deserve no less; however, I cannot let everything end like that - like this.

I ready myself for whatever he may have to throw at me as he reentered the room with the cup of crushed ice. 

“Let’s see if you can hold on to this,” he says softly as he sets the cup of ice in my lap and slowly curls my hands around the cup. “Excellent, you’re doing very well there. All right, I am going to move my hand now; I want you to try to keep hold of the cup while I feed you. Ah,” Bones gently instructs me as he slips a small piece of crushed ice in my mouth. He carefully sits on the bed never taking his eyes off my face.

“Now I know you’re not up to talking, but you can listen and nod. I’m a little upset with you Jim. You ran away from me and when you return you go and get yourself blown up, confess your love for me, and then you have the audacity to go and die on me. Did you mean it?”

I am almost certain I know, which question he wants answered, but I have to make sure so I slowly cock my head to the side and furrow my eyebrows hoping to get the question across.

“Do you love me?”

I close my eyes and nod my head. There was no use denying it anymore. I didn’t want to anyway, it was past time I confessed to him – and myself.

“Shit, is that why you ran away?” I cringe and nod my head again. I have no idea where this will be heading, but I hope that we will at least still be friends.

“Let’s get you out of this place before we try being more than friends. Speaking of getting out of here, I have some news for you. The doctors don’t know if you are ever going to be able to walk again and have passed that information on to Starfleet. Now, I know you will be able to walk once more. However, it is also my professional opinion that your career in Starfleet is over. You will probably always need something to help you walk and will tire quickly for several years. Therefore, unless you want to be an instructor or a paper pusher, there is nothing for you there. I am sure there are other things out there you are able to do, and Pike has granted you and me honorable discharges. He can’t really keep dead weight in fleet for the next few years.”

My head jerks at this news, not because of my own discharge, which I was honestly expecting, but because Bones was also being discharged.

“I asked them to discharge me. This way I could care for you. Even if we do not make it as a couple, you will always be my best friend. Plus, I am the only family you have listed and you will need caring for the foreseeable future.”

I smile and open my mouth like a little bird for more crushed ice. Things were starting to look up though we will see how they go once I am strong enough to talk and start my search. I could only hope that Bones would be as understanding in this as he is being in my current situation.

“Alright, that’s enough ice for now. Are you in any pain?” I shake my head no. It wasn’t the complete truth - I was in pain, but it was not enough pain for me to need or want any pain medicine. “Right, so I’ll just go and fetch a mild sedative to make you sleep. You need all the sleep you can get for now. Tomorrow we will go about setting you up in bed and possibly doing some hand weights nothing too strenuous just enough to get your heart to pumping and on the road to recovery. Who knows, perhaps they will even start you on your liquid diet.”

I must have pulled a face at the last sentence because Bones laughed loudly. “Hey, if you don’t want to ever be on a liquid diet again, and then stay out of the damned hospital. Now relax while you can.”

Right now just holding a cup has left me tired proving that Bones was right I need to gather my strength, not to just get out of here, but to discharge the duty I have set for myself. I do not need legs for my search my fingers will do the walking and get me any information I need.

When Bones comes back, he gently uses the hypo on my newly grown skin and then runs his fingers through my hair. This brand-new side of Bones makes me happy and nervous at the same time. Though I suppose, nervousness is the natural occurring state for most people when they are about to embark on an unknown adventure. I am just not used to it.

As a dense fog begins to cover my mind, I will myself to calm down and let the sedative, and painkiller go to work. I am safe and I have Bones.

~TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

The next day I begin the grueling task of getting better. A few weeks ago, I would have rolled my eyes at anyone who said that sitting up was difficult, now I have new respect for those who have been injured. Within the first few minutes of sitting up, sweat was coating my brow, and my arms were trembling from the effort of holding myself up.

“Alright, that’s enough for now Jim. Let’s lean you back. That’s it… relax - deep breaths. There we go. Do you need anything for pain?” Bones asks as he gently helps me lean back on the raised hospital bed.

I shake my head no and point weakly to my mouth as I try to catch my breath. He carefully holds the cup and guides the straw to my mouth. I drink the water greedily. “Easy there, not too much,” he chides softly as he slips the cup away from me.

“Tain,” I get out with a croak.

“You’re welcome and no talking; at least not yet. The heat from the blast did a bigger number on your throat than we all thought, so just give it some time to catch up with the rest of your body.”

I pant and nod my understanding. I wonder how many more injuries will be discovered as I am healing. I mean, there had to be a limit on how injured one person was allowed to be while remaining alive. I weakly mime typing and Bones shakes his head at me.

“You’ll get a PADD just as soon as you can actually lift one to look at. Until then, you will just have to depend on my wonderful bedside manner, and your superb miming skills.”

I am a mature adult, so I do what anyone in my position would do; I shoot him the rod and stick out my tongue.

“Not until you’re able to give verbal consent and are strong enough to participate dear.” Bones replies while wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I can feel my face heat up as the unexpected blush makes itself known to me. Who knew Bones could be such a… pervert?

“Look at you blushing like a virgin bride. Sleep now and do not worry; I will keep your virtue safe from all these unsavory nurses and doctors.”

I wish I could bury my face or make a witty comeback - or you know, any comeback would do - I’m just too drained to do anything more than follow his previous orders of sleep.

I wake the next day and repeat the process of sitting up, pumping iron, and wearing out. This time I have sufficient energy to do it twice, and I was declared fit enough to start my soft diet. Bones insisted that my vitamin supplements would only get me so far in the healing process.

He reassured me that the few bites I manage to get down were normal, and I should take it slow. However, I am disgusted with the lingering process of my own healing and with the thought that my ‘pumping iron’ consists of puny one point three kilogram weights. Not even a month ago I was able to bench press around eighty kilograms on my lazy days. I feel - I feel so damn, useless and slow! I hate it and I hate my body.

I push myself as hard as I can under Bone's watchful eye. He is not being as strict as he could be. He is having me try to move my legs, toes, anything below my waist, against the doctor’s orders. He knows my mobility - or lack thereof is frustrating me. To be honest I would be happy if I could get an erection. This way I know something is working down south.

It only takes two more days of weights and soft food for me to get my PADD. Of course, the first thing I do is bitch.

‘When can they fix my throat? Aren’t I healed enough for that?’ I type out and push the PADD to him.

“I talked to M’Benga about it this morning. He said you are doing well, and if you agree to it then he can perform the procedure tomorrow. However, there are a few things you need to know about.”

I cock my head and wait for him to continue.

“There is no guarantee that you will actually get your voice back. You will be able to talk, but the burning to your epiglottis and vocal cords are fairly severe. If you had not had so many problems with your internal organs and skin, they might have caught it in time to fully heal it and get your voice back to the way it was. We almost - we just went with the cautious route, and your voice might be the price for that.”

I gently lay a hand on Bone's arm and wait for him to look at me. He finally meets my eyes. I smile and squeeze his arm. I want to let him know that it is okay, and I hold no ill will toward him.

“Sleep for now. I’ll talk to you when you wake up.”

I shake my head and reach for my PADD. I will have time to sleep later. However, at this moment; I need to start my search.

“Jim, you need your rest,” he tells me as he reaches for my PADD.

I hug it close to my chest and glare at him hoping that he will understand that I want… no need to keep it.

“Whatever you think you need to do can be done tomorrow after the surgery; right now, you need to rest and get ready to get your voice back.”

I cannot help but to sulk when Bones finally pries my PADD from me. I know he is right, but it does not mean I have to be happy about it.

“You’re cute when you pout.” He tells me before ruffling my hair and covering me with the light blanket. Honestly, if I were not so damned tired, I would bite him for treating me like a kid.

I sleep and when I wake, next it was two days later.

“We should really have you fully tested for allergies,” Bones says as a greeting when my eyes open.

“What?” I manage to say. I sound better to my ears, but my throat was dry and my voice scratchy.

“What happened? Well, it seems you were allergic to the anesthesia they were using on you. You must have a death kink because according to Spitzer, that’s the specialist who was operating on your throat, you died on his table - again.”

“Thirsty.”

“Yeah, you get your damned water.” Bones grumbled at me while being careful to help me up using the bed control in small short intervals. “How’s your throat feeling?”

“Dry, sore…”

He places the straw in the cup of water and carefully puts it between my lips. “Poor coddled Jim. So picked up on about his death wish.”

“An actor, my dear doctor, you are not.”

“True, though you are no great thespian either my dear. Well, unless it comes to hiding things - then you are the perfect actor.”

“Sorry,” I whisper. I had hoped that we would be past that.

“Shit, I’m sorry Jim. We were doing well there… and… damn it all to hell; I am only a spiteful bitter divorced man. Don’t pay any attention to me.”

“I deserve it. However, instead of playing the blame game. Why don’t we both forget what happened and move forward?” I say hoping to end the awkward moment between us.

“Yeah, whatever you say kid. Are you hungry?"

“Starving,” I answer honestly.

“Good, I’ll see about getting you some jell-o.”

“Jell-O isn’t food,” I whine at him. “Who do I have to kill to get a hamburger?”

“Well, step one is to stop dying.”

“I certainly didn’t aim to die!’

“It still does not change the fact that you did. You have another day or two of soft diet then they will move you on to food that is more substantial. For the record - I want you to have that hamburger because you have lost around seven kilos. You just relax and play with your PADD or something until I get back.”

It was then that I notice my PADD lying on the table tray just to my right and well within my reach. I smile at Bones thoughtfulness as I take up the PADD and begin to look through stories about the shuttle explosion.

The first one I found had been published the day after and according to the article out of the hundred and seventy-five passengers only twenty had died, seventy had minor wounds, another twenty were listed as critical condition. I suppose I was on the critical list at that time. I felt badly for the victims, but this article was useless to me. It did not list the survivors, and that was the list I needed right now.

I quickly scan what stories I can find and growl in frustration. Why were they not listing the survivors? Hell, why were they not listing the names of the dead and their survivors? That would be the most helpful list.

“Jim,” I quickly look up and hope I do not look too guilty. I did not even hear Bones come in. “Time to eat; put your PADD away.”

I quickly put the PADD into sleep mode and tuck it under my pillow. I try to adjust myself into a better sitting situation and only manage to frustrate myself.

“Use the bed Jim or just ask for my help. I know that it sucks, and I know you are used to being able to do everything for yourself…, but like I said… it’s going to take years so you need to learn to trust me to help you.” He chides me gently as he carefully sits me up a few inches and places another pillow behind my back.

“I just… I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“I get to decide if you are being a burden or not,” Bones tells me while slapping me on the back of my head.

“Ow, is that any way to treat an invalid?” I ask him while rubbing the back of my head. It really did hurt.

“Invalids; no, idiots; yes. I told you I believed you will walk again Jim, and I still hold that belief… I don’t care what the other doctors say. I know you better than them so eat up and get strong so you can get the hell out of here and get you well.”

“Still want a hamburger,” I mutter while glaring at the red wiggly stuff in front of me.

“Want me to feed it to you?”

“I can feed myself!” I glowered at the man and then slowly reach my hand out and grab the spoon. I carefully scoop up a cube of the Jell-O and just as steadily bring it to my lips. In a half, an hour I manage to finish about half of what was brought to me before my arm starts to tremble with strain. Perhaps I should not have tried to set up on my own… or hold the pad up, for as long as I had. I am still hungry…, but I was not going to ask Bones to feed me like a baby.

“Quit being a tough-guy Jim,” He says to me while grabbing the spoon and sitting down on the bed.

“Bones.” I turn my head and try to be the big boy I feel I should be.

“Less words more eating.” In no time, the Jell-O was being forced into my mouth and finished. I am tired… I suppose it was from the struggling. I use the buttons and let the bed down. Not enough to lay flat; but just enough to relax my back. I wiggled my shoulders and made sure that I could feel the PADD under me before I let sleep claim me.

Each day that passes, I get stronger, and my nerves become more frayed as my search yields no true results. In other words, my days were SSDD; same shit, different day.

After five days of this, I felt a snap deep within my mind as I watch the nurses bring Bones the items needed for my sponge bath. Sponge - bath. Under different circumstances, I am sure I would enjoy Bones removing my clothes and touching me all over, right now however, every time he touches me; it is very clinical and makes me feel - helpless.

“When can I have a real shower?” I ask while Bones is untying the back of my gown.

“I’ll go ask the doctor real quick. DON’T give the nurses too much of an eyeful.”

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest hoping that my non-amusement comes across on my face. I cannot wait to be out of the hospital. Of course, now I need to find a place to live and a new way to make a living. Fuck, maybe I don’t really want out of the hospital.

“Hey Jim, bath is going to have to wait. You have a visitor.”

“Visitor?”

“Yeah a lawyer courtesy of Captain Pike.”

~TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

All I could do was stare as Bones re-tied my gown. Pike had not been to see me since I was hospitalized. Hell, he did not even call me and now, out of the blue, he is sending me a lawyer. Needless to say, I was suspicious.

I watch the well-dressed man closely as he enters my room and sets about pulling all sorts of documents from his briefcase before introducing himself.

“Hello Mr. Kirk, Mr. McCoy. My name is Mr. Benton; I am here on behalf of Starfleet. There are some papers, we need you to sign.”

“I thought you said you were here because of Captain Pike.” Bones growls at the lawyer. I knew that he has a great dislike for the lawyer Carol used (okay, so I knew he hated the man), but it looks like his hatred has extended to this lawyer as well.

“Yes well, I learned of Mr. Kirk’s room number because of Mr. Pike, therefore, technically, I am here because of him.”

“You slimy son of a…” Bones started.

“Before you finish that sentence Mr. McCoy, I am obligated to inform you that I am still your superior,” the sleazeball warned.

“I have no superiors I was discharged along with Jim,” I saw Bones give the man a full on smirk. Honestly, he almost scared me and I was thankful that the look was not directed at me.

“You were indeed discharged… however; you are not married to Mr. Kirk and are technically not a family member so your discharge has been revoked. You will be allowed one more month to help get Mr. Kirk on his feet then you are to report back to the academy, or you will be declared AWOL and then you will face charges.”

“Wait, you could have bullied Bones outside – so, what exactly do you want from me?” I ask. Really, I should have seen something like this coming.

“We need you to sign a form waiving the money you would normally get from your accidental death and disability policy.”

“Excuse me?” I say as politely as I can. Which isn't very polite at all. I reach over and grab Bone's hand. I could feel him tense up the more the ‘lawyer’ talked. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze hoping it would calm him enough to let me handle this problem.

“When you were issued this policy it was always assumed that any death or disability would happen due to your Starfleet duties. However, your disability is from an outside force. So we need you to waive your policy. It is the polite and proper thing to do after all.”

“No,” I said simply. I truly wanted to punch this prick ass lawyer.

“Mr. Kirk…”

“The answer is no and if you do not leave my room, I will call the police. I will be talking to my own lawyer… so if Starfleet wishes to speak to me or Bones, for that matter… they can contact him or his practice."

“Very well, Mr. McCoy I was to tell you Admiral Barnett is looking forward to seeing you back at the academy. Good day gentlemen.”

As soon as the slime ball was away, Bones shut the door and treated me to a glare. I had to smile because a truly glaring Bone… well it had become a rare sight for me these days, and I had missed it.

“I don’t know why you are smiling. You do realize that asshole will be back because you don’t have a lawyer.”

“Then I’ll just have to get a lawyer.”

“Of course, you will and you will pay for him with the money you are getting from where exactly? Do you think just because you did not sign Starfleet will pay up? Jesus Jim you have to think these things through!”

“Could you hand me the phone?” I ask choosing to ignore Bone's rant.

“Of course, the phone! Why hadn’t I thought of that? Here you take the damned phone, and I’ll sit over there and try to figure out a way to get us a lawyer.”

“Us?” Naturally, he would use the one word that could and would short-circuit my brain.

“Yeah, us. I need more than a month to get you settled, and they already released me. Drafting was outlawed in 2093 and that is what they are trying to do here…. Draft me… so I need a lawyer.”

“There’s an 'us',” I say while grinning like a loon.

“You didn’t listen to one thing I said, have you?”

“I heard the most important word: us. So now I will get us a lawyer.”

“How?”

I hold up my finger and quickly dial a number I have not used in years… and one I had hoped to avoid, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Jim who…” I put my finger to my mouth and again gave him the signal to wait as the impatient man started to interrupt. I quickly put the phone on speaker mode in hopes of staving off some of Bone's questions.

“Thank you for calling the law offices of Mason and Matlock. This is Infu; how may I direct your call?” the female, Infu, said upon answering the phone.

“Yes, could you put me through to Thomas Leighton’s office?”

“There is no one here by that name sir.”

“Did he switch law firms? Did he leave a forwarding address? I’m an old friend of his, and I really need to get in contact with him,” It would be just my luck if the man had died on me.

“Let me go and see if a senior secretary knows anything. Please hold.”

“Yeah… sure… not like I’m going anywhere or even have a choice in the matter.”

I drum my fingers and watch Bones struggle with his unasked questions as I listen to the droning repetitive tune being played as I wait for someone to pick up at the other end and put an end to this torture treatment. I wonder if the music was better or worse now than when they first started needing/using it. Though I do believe that it is a psychological torture method companies use to make you hang up rather than wait for them.

After several minutes of being on hold ‘Sunny’ came on and straightens everything out… and then proceeds to tell me more than what I need or want to know about the personal lives of his employers. Finally, I get a word in and get transferred to Thomas’ office.

“Damn it all to hell Jim. What did you say to my assistant?" Was Thomas’ greeting.

“Um… to keep his damned mouth shut and to do his fucking job?” Okay… so maybe I was a bit terse with the little shit. His nasally whiny voice was giving me a headache.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good assistant?”

“I assume extremely hard because ‘Sunny’ certainly isn’t very good… and why wasn’t I invited to your wedding? I have to find out through your assistant that you got married!”

“Ah… oops?” I could just imagine Thomas blushing and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Look, all bullshit aside. I need a lawyer.”

“When don’t you need a lawyer?”

“Damn it Tom, I’m not fucking joking!” I yell hoping that he will understand the seriousness of my situation.

“Fine, regale me with your troubles, and I will be the judge of your lawyer needs.”

I go over the basic facts with him from the shuttle explosion to the douche lawyer who had just threatened Bones and me.

“Did you sign anything?”

“Hell no, I told him to contact my lawyer… then called you to be our lawyer.”

“Least you have gotten smarter since I first met you. Does anyone have the discharge papers?”

“Yeah, Bones showed them to me.”

“Good I need you and him to get them and your medical records down to my office first thing in the morning.”

“Tom, I very much doubt the doctors are going to release me just to go to see my lawyer.”

“Oh yeah… fine have your boyfriend bring them to me, and I will go over them with a fine-tooth comb and then meet up with you once I have a game plan. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like you are enjoying the thought of sticking one to Starfleet,” I answer honestly while looking at Bones hoping that Tom calling him my boyfriend will not upset him.

“I owe them for Tarsus. See you around Jim. Get better and get the hell out of there… the food will kill you.” Toms says with a laugh before disconnecting the call.

“Bastard; alright Bones… ask away I can see the suspense is killing you,” I say after the call is disconnected. I had done my best to ignore him during the call.

“You know Thomas Mason.”

“I guess so… though I didn’t know I knew him… I know him as Tom Leighton.” It was an honest answer and one that I hoped would forestall the inevitable question.

“How did you meet?” Ah, and there was the question I could have done without ever answering. Still Bones deserved to know.

"Tarsus," I replied as evenly as I could. It was not exactly a happy memory for me.

"Tell me it wasn't during... tell me that you didn't have to... fuck."

"Yeah... it happened during the famine. We both were running from Kodos and trying to take care of the children." I watched him wince at my reply. I could not have said it any easier than what I had.

As he was looking down at his feet, I could barely hear him mutter "Sorry."

"Hey look, no big deal. It happened and I am still alive. If there is one thing, I am good at its living. Explosion was proof of that."

"Jim..."

"No Bones, just... don't go there. I really am alive and we have more important things to worry about than my past. Do you think you can get the papers to Tom tomorrow?"

"Yeah, no problem kid," he replied with a sigh. I could tell he wanted to prod at the subject more... and perhaps at a later date I will welcome it. Now however, is not the right time.

"Thanks Bones, I owe you one."

"If he takes our case then I owe you one. Now... time to get your lazy ass out of bed and into the shower. I didn't want to say anything before... but you sweetheart are ripe."

I chuckle as I sit up and shuck my gown. It occurred to me that it had been quite some time since I had worn real clothes. "Bones..."

"Yeah kid?" he asked while securing the accursed belt around my torso.

"When can I wear normal clothes again?"

"As soon as you are out of here."

"How long will that be? A week? Another month? A year?" I give him my best puppy dog eyes; hoping that they will work on him or maybe that it would lessen my hospital sentence.

"Well... now I do have good news on that front. That is providing your lawyer can keep me out of Starfleet," he said as he picked me up and placed me in the dreaded chair.

“Trust me, if there is any way Tommy can screw over fleet he will.”

“Good to know, because M’Benga told me that they are planning on releasing you next week after you’ve been fitted for a motorized wheelchair.”

“But, I can’t walk yet? How can they release a man who can’t walk?” I will admit here and now that I was having a panic attack. I had become too… just… I was fucking weak… and they are going to release me.

“Hence the motorized chair. I know you hate this. I know you aren’t use to depending on anyone but yourself… but I need you to trust me and to let me help. I swear to God Jim I think you will walk again… but let’s face reality; it won’t be happening any time soon,” he whispered to me as he knelt in front of me and wrapped his arms around my neck.

“I just hate feeling useless,” I tell him honestly.

“I know Jim… I know.”

“Guess I better start looking for a house after I get finished with this bath.”

“Hmm, you are pretty ripe. You know I may miss those sponge baths.” Bones informed me as he stood up and ruffled my hair.

~TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this. \o/

All I could do was smile at him and say, “Pervert.”

"Yeah well, pot meet kettle and I hate to be the one to bust your bubble, but _how_ are you going to _afford_ a house? We have no jobs and I don't know about you - but my savings are meager at best," he informed me while pushing me into the shower room.

"I have a bit of savings," I informed him while wincing. I so never wanted to touch that money - ever, but it looked like it might just be his savior right now.

"A bit won't get us far."

I will admit that I was more than a little uncomfortable with the information I was about to reveal to him, but it was needed information. "I have the settlement from my father's and mother's deaths. Both were fleet and both died in the line of duty; so I have that, which is about, umm - seven or eight million credits and if I want to move back to Iowa, which I don't, I also have a rundown farmhouse - but I really _really_ don't want to go there Bones."

"OK, yeah, that - yeah, that should be enough to get you a house."

"Us," I correct him.

"Okay, us a house. Why in the world did you join fleet if you had all that money?"

"I did it on a dare," I answer honestly.

"Shit, the stuff you do on a damned dare. You could have been killed you know?" Bones said with a chuckle and a shake of his head. I do not have to be a mind reader to know that he is more than a little exasperated at me. I should feel bad about enjoying that, but I don't. 

"When I signed on that really didn't matter to me." I figured that if honesty worked for old Abe Lincoln then it might work for me too. Besides I am tired of hiding from Bones.

"Idiot," Bones said as he smiled fondly at me. He untied my gown after giving me a not so gentle whack on the back of my head.

"Ow, invalid here," I whined playfully. Yes, the whack hurt, but not as badly as I was playing it up.

"Come on you child. Time for your shower," he said as he hoisted me up and placed me into the waiting chair.

"Yes daddy," I say flippantly as I tightened my hold around his neck.

"Please, never say that to me again," he croaked while wheeling the chair out of the room. I wondered if I had maybe gone too far this time.

“Sorry…”

“Nothing to be sorry about; just don’t want you starting’ something’ that can’t be finished.” Bones said to me as he sat me on the waiting chair and getting the water temperature to his liking.

Of course, me being as thick as I am could only ask “Huh?” Sometimes I shame even myself.

“Sex you big…”

“WHAT? You mean I can’t have sex… like ever again. Please tell that to Tommy because I want some grievance pay from that damned Shuttle Company.” Yes, I panicked; I mean you would have to if you had been in my place and wanting Bones as badly as I did.

“Jesus kid, could you scream a little louder? I don’t think the settlers on Mars could quite hear you. I never said you couldn’t have sex. I mean your regular plumbing seems to work just fine so once some of this stress is off your shoulders I am sure Junior will pop up like a daffodil in April. However, I was saying _No sex while you are in the hospital._ ” Bones explained with a not so light blush creeping up his neck.

“Oh, well then that’s okay. He is not called Junior, by the way; his name is Mr. Fantastic. Remember that cause you’re going to be screaming it when we get out of here.” Flirting has always been my specialty - at least this is what I tried desperately to believe as I belted out cheesy lines that.

“With lines like that it’s a miracle you ever got laid,” Bones chuckled as he sprayed me in the face with warm water. Evidently I was not the only one who had found that line to be as bad as it sounded. “Now shut up and let’s get you clean.”

The shower was fairly quick and impersonal, much to my disappointment. However, I was more than happy with that because the earlier excitement had worn me out fairly well. I was looking forward to a time when little things don't wear me out.

Once I was dried and put into bed, I quickly fell into a fitful sleep. I kept going over all the things I wanted to do - that I had yet to accomplish - and it just seemed a bit overwhelming.

How was I ever going to find that little girl? Was she doing all right? Was she getting enough support from her family? Did they need financial help? Maybe I should have Tommy hire a private investigator. He would know of a good one. Yeah, I would call Tommy and ask him for help in that area.

Settling that one point, I wonder about mine and Bones relationship. Where are we now? I know that there were still friends... but are we on our way to something more? I hope so. I am not sure how much longer I can keep my hands to myself.

When I woke Bones wasn’t there. I assumed that he had gone ahead and went to go talk to Thomas. It didn’t matter; this was the perfect time for me to do a little house hunting without him hovering over my shoulder. However, there was a little matter of using the bathroom that needed attending to first.

I buzzed the nurse and took care of my morning needs; all the time wishing she would at least turn her back or something. It was hard enough to take a piss with Bones there; with this strange nurse, it was next to impossible.

Once the simpering nurse was sure I was fine, she left. I wondered how Bones would react if I told him of her attempts at flirting with me. I won’t deny that is was flattering to know that I still had it even without the use of my legs.

I quickly pulled up the bedside computer and checked out the local real –estate. There was nothing to raise my hopes. There were very few homes and ever fewer apartments that were handicap friendly. Stairs could easily be defeated with a lift. However, the lift itself could easily be defeated by a sudden power outage.

I could just see myself stuck in the middle of a staircase… in my wheelchair. Yeah, not something I really want to contemplate. I know I am too antsy to sit and wait for anyone to come help me and I would wind up tumbling to my death or becoming further paralyzed.

Right, nothing with stairs or at least not too many stairs; a few front steps on a porch could easily be overcome with an inexpensive ramp. Sad to say that with that thrown out the window there was a grand total of two places in the area. One was a definite no go. It was in the rougher part of town and I do not want to get into any fights. The only other option was… well it was questionable. I will have to run it by Bones first. For some reason I am near one hundred percent positive that it will be a no go.

Perhaps I should wait for Bones to get back. It is supposed to be our house… not just mine. I just wish I could help him as much as he is helping me.

I set my research aside as breakfast is brought in. This is something I will certainly not miss once I am out of the hospital. I have had better field rations… and those are pretty disgusting.

He was debating the merit of complaining to the nurse about the food when a grumpy, okay grumpier than usual, Bones walked in. "Went that well?" I know, lame way to greet your potential lover. Still, it was all I could think of.

"Your friend is an asshole," Bones said while ripping off his tie.

"I never claimed that he was nice. Just that he was a good lawyer."

"He is an excellent lawyer. Lousy friend though. He told me all about Tarsus and how he owed you his life. You said you didn’t want to talk about it yesterday – and I respected that. However, some of the shit he told me makes it very hard for me to even be – I don’t know. I don’t know if I am enough to take care of you,” he ranted.

I sat there, dumbfounded and feeling a bit betrayed. Tommy wasn't supposed to burden Bones with their past bull shit. "Bones..." I want to tell him everything - but it's too painful. I don't want to relive any of that time. “Let it go. You are more than enough for me. Hell, I probably don’t deserve you. Nevertheless, I am a selfish fuck and I don’t want to lose you. I cannot lose you Bones. Everyone leaves me – or I run away and they let me. You didn’t let me… so – so, you care right? I didn’t fuck everything up beyond repair did I?”

I admit I rambled and was terrified. If I let Bones actually say anything, he might leave me and I can feel the tears trying to escape my eyes. I cannot cry in front of Bones though. Cause, I do not want to guilt him into staying with me. I will not manipulate him like that. It’s not fair and it’s not right. If Bones wants to leave me, I won’t stop him. I will wait until he is gone to cry and wilt away until there is nothing left of me.

“Stop. Look he’s mouthy… but he didn’t screw us up. I still love your stubborn ass,” Bones told me with a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks.

All I could do is sit there and looked stunned. Sure, I suspected that Bones loved me and I am pretty sure I love him back. But, I am still in the hospital and neither of us had even hinted at the L word before.

Once the silence had stretched as far as Bones could stand it he snapped; “Don’t just sit there wait for a fly to land in your damned mouth say something. Anything…”

“I love you too,” I say as quickly as I can.

“Well, good. Now then, Mr. Leighton said he would have no trouble with either of our cases. We are not to talk to anyone, including that pond slime Pike. If they want to talk to us, they have to go through him. So, no talking.”

“Okay.” It wasn’t like I have a choice in that matter anymore. Tommy knew the legal shit better than I did and I wasn’t sure how to break in and tell Bones about the miniature housing crisis I was experiencing.

“By the way – the hospital has changed your release date. You get out the day after tomorrow.” Okay… scratch that the housing problem was no longer a miniature problem.

“There are no houses here,” I blurt out. I wonder if I look as panicked as I feel.

 

Bones snorted and said “Figures that you would have already looked into that.”

“I figured I should do something useful.”

“I know kid. We also need to find you a new doctor. I was thinking… well, if you’re not adverse to the idea we can move into the place where my folks used to live. Dad was in a wheelchair for a while there at the end and my momma couldn’t even think of living there. So it’s just sitting there… empty.” Bones said fidgeting.

“I’m not against the idea. I am just worried if there are any bad memories for you there. I mean… well earlier you were worried about us being able to afford a house and now you own one?” I say calmly letting the idea roll around in my head.

Bones blinked at me as if stunned by my question. It was still an honest question that I felt deserved an answer… clarification – whatever.

“Well, I – hell kid I didn’t know if you would feel like I was trying to smother you or something. Plus, the house just came up yesterday. It honestly slipped my mind when that asshole showed up and then we had to talk to your lawyer and… I just forgot. Okay?” Bones said to me with a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

I smiled at him and asked, “Are there any good doctor’s there? Any that would take me and actually listen to my complaints without crying that I am a hypochondriac?”

“I’m damned near positive that I can find you someone.” When Bones smirked like that, I knew I was as helpless as a caged, declawed, and sedated bunny.

“Okay, yeah… okay. So, umm, about Thomas?” I asked nervously.

Bones face suddenly hardened. “According to him the fleet can’t do a damned thing to you or to me for that matter. You named me your next of kin and bought the insurance with full intentions of having a career as s Starfleet officer. He thinks that someone up top is just pissed that they lost you.”

“Pike?” I automatically ask. Though I didn’t think he was the type to be that petty.

Shaking his head no he answered, “Nah, he was genuinely pissed that they had used him to get to you. Damned sure that if quitting was an option for him he would have walked in and shoved his orders up that lawyer’s ass.”

“That… is a very disturbing image Bones. Nevertheless, I’m glad that it wasn’t Pike’s fault. I don’t like being mad at him. Anything else?”

“Not really, everything is pretty standard. He is filing a complaint and lawsuit against Fleet, the insurance company, and the shuttle company. He’s almost 100% positive that they will settle out of court. They do not need any more bad publicity.”

“I didn’t want to sue them!” I nearly yelled in panic. I knew that Starfleet was important even if some of the members were ass crackers.

“I authorized it.”

“Bo-“

“No Jim, you need to listen to my reasoning. Fleet tried to fuck you and me over. They need to learn that there are consequences to trying to break a contract. The insurance company is going to pay you as little as can be. We both know that is the standard policy. Last, but not least, the Shuttle Company; they could have prevented that explosion had they take a day or two to properly maintain it. There are many people out for blood on this. Twenty people lost their lives… their lives Jim. There were hundreds of injuries. None as bad as you are. Still this has changed your life. So let’s be realistic. You will need the extra money for future medical bills alone. So, do you understand why I authorized him to go on with the lawsuits?” Bones explained to me as if he were explaining to a child.

I took a deep breath and willed down my anger. I recognize that I am angrier over my own inability to accomplish – well to accomplish anything really.

“Jim?”

“I understand. I just – I hate having to depend on you… hell on anyone.” I said sulkily. Yes, I sulked, fucking live with it. Not like you wouldn’t sulk if you were in my shoes.

“I know you do. But, hey that’s what partners do. They depend on each other. We’re not to that stage yet. However, I am really hoping we get there. Can we try to get there Jim? Please, will you let me help you?” Bones said looking at me with his doe eyes and really, that is an unfair tactic. Because, who can say no to that?

“I’ll try, that’s all I can promise,” I answer honestly.

“Thank you, I’ll ring mom and tell her to take the house off the market and then we can figure out where to go from there.”

“No, don’t do that.”

“I thought you said that the house sounded good.” Bones said looking both angry and hurt.

“I mean I don’t want your mom to take the house off of the market. I want to buy it. Put in an offer ten thousand above the asking price under my name and if we get it then we will put the house in our names. I don’t want any hand outs and it would be a nice surprise for your mom. Right?” I said willing the man to understand where I am coming from.

“Yeah, fine I’ll put in the offer, but at asking price. Save the extra in case someone tries to outbid you or for furniture and stuff, just little things like a wheelchair and stuff. Am I allowed to at least put in a good word for you?” He grumbled.

“My credit isn’t bad and my taxes are up to date. So, please don’t. I really do want to get this under my own steam. Thank you for thinking of me though. I agree with putting in a bid at asking price though. It will give us a little leverage and we can find an apartment to rent for a month or two, until the house is settled. I would like the apartment to be in that area though, so I can get used to it. Wait, how – how many bedrooms are in the house?” I ask suddenly remembering that little detail. Hell, I agreed to a house I really knew nothing about… and I did it all because it was Bones’ childhood home.

“Moron,” Bones said while rolling his eyes at me. Yes, I took offense to the term, or I would have if he hadn’t been smiling and handing me a padd. “There’s the specs and everything you might need or want to know. It’s a little large for just the two of us. But, maybe we can turn one of the rooms into a study for you and you can never go wrong with a guest room or two.”

“Such a Southern Gentleman. You could have handed me this first you know. Looks big enough and the gardens are - different; yet beautiful,” I said while looking at pictures of the house.

Bones smiled sadly and said, “Dad really liked to grow vegetables but, he couldn’t bend over anymore. So, we elevated the garden. This way he could grow his vegetables and help Mom with her flowers. We can always take them out once we get ready to move in.”

“No, let’s leave them in. Looks like it could be an interesting hobby and I need a few new projects. Who knows, maybe I will figure out how to grow the next international brussel sprouts or better yet grow some cheddar-flavored broccoli. Do you think bacon would be better cheddar?” I was actually warming up to the idea of growing things. Of course, the only thing that I can remember growing, besides my erection, was a bean plant in the first grade. I was supposed to learn about agriculture on Tarsus… only… yeah that all went to shit.

“Only you would think about things like that. For the record, my vote is with bacon. This way, vegetarians get delicious things too. Plus, broccoli is a hell of a lot healthier. How in the hell did you draw me in to your insane plan?” Bones asked.

I laughed outright at that. “Because, I am just that awesome; now, go put in our bid and let the call Thomas and let him know about our plans to move there. Hell, we are moving there. May take a month or two to get in there but, it is happening. I want this house Bones. So, we’ll get it, right?”

Bones was grinning from ear to ear answering, “I wouldn’t have suggested it if that wasn’t an option kid,” while rolling his eyes. The damned man was way cheekier than he was always claiming I was.

~TBC~


	6. Chapter 6

The next few weeks passed in a blurry haze for me. I left the hospital; found a hospice to temporarily stay in where I could get the care I needed while Bones settled things with the lawyer and the Realtor. I was never so happy to have a grumpy mean ass Bones on my side as I was when dealing with that… woman (and I use the term loosely.) However, I discovered that Bones was a shrewd businessman.

I will say with one hundred percent honesty that I was shocked at how quickly we got to move into our house. However, I suspect that Bones put in a good word with his mother or the Realtor told her who was handling my negotiations. Because there was no other reason for my first offer to be rejected and my second offer, that was three-thousand credits smaller, was accepted. Nor was there a reason for Mrs. McCoy to suddenly decide to leave half of her furniture. Yes, my desire to surprise her was blown. Damned sneaky Southerners.

Still, all of this helped in the long run and I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. This did not mean I wanted everything she left. Bones’ dead father’s medical bed? Yeah, that had to go. I respect the dead… but not that much. That was just creepy and not at all my style. So, we donated the bed to local charity. Surely, there was someone out there in need of that bed.

Bones had insisted that we get a new food replicator since the one in the house was there before his parents moved in… and often delivered dubious, possibly poisonous, food like substances. Needless to say that I took him for his word and got a new one (though, I did make the technicians leave the old one in the shed so I could tinker with it. Just, something to do on a rainy day.)

Once we were settled in the house and Bones had agreed to go to work (though only part-time) I renewed my search for the little girl I had seen and settled into my new routine. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I would spend about four hours in rehabilitation. The rest of the day, I spent sleeping and learning how to cook. Tuesdays and Thursdays were dedicated to keeping up with my insane lawyer and my search. Weekends were dedicated to Bones and our budding relationship.

After Bones and I had, had our first fight we agreed that since both of our names were on the deed, and this was the core of our fight, that we should defiantly try going out and seeing where our feelings would lead us.

After our first month there, I finally threw my arms in the air and did two things. First thing I did was push Bones out of the front door and told him to go and play at the Hospital so I could get a little alone time. Hey, just because I love the man does not mean I want him to become a wart on my ass.

The second was to finally break down and hire a private investigator. So, I called Bones on his phone, yes, I know I sent him out but if I was going to spend our money he had the right to know and after several minutes of groveling and promising to fill him in when he got him he agreed. Then I called Thomas and asked him for help locating someone to help me.

Thank God, that didn’t take long. Friend or no Thomas was a pain in the ass. No, I would never say that to Thomas. The man was still a brilliant lawyer and was handling our case beautifully.

Scotty showed up on my screen three hours later grinning like the Cheshire cat - and how corny was that? He made me think of the car sales men of old or a nasty lawyer. Either way I wasn’t sure ‘Scotty’ was the right man for the job. Thomas had sung high praises of him though so all I could do was trust that this man knew what he was doing.

He went over the rough outline and vague details asking if it could be done. Scotty, of course, assured him that ‘I can find the wee lass and bring her to you all trussed up.’ Of course, that cause that set off a myriad of warning bells in my head. Thanks to this, I discovered a valuable lesson about myself. When I am faced with a seemingly impossible challenge, I tend to babble. No, not babble - just talk quickly and hope that my point is somehow caught in the onslaught of words that spew from my mouth.

This, of course, made Scotty laugh and assure me that he would not hurt the girl and he would not bring her to our house. He would just locate the girl and get back to me with any information he found. After the talk was over I felt surprisingly optimistic about this whole thing and felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Honestly, why hadn’t I just hired a private investigator to begin with? Hell, I would probably already know about the little girl if I had. Sometimes I felt incredibly stupid, which was not something I enjoyed feeling about myself.

With that, all settled I wheeled myself into the kitchen and set about making Bones some dinner. I know Eleanor had insisted that her boy loved fried chicken, but if I have to eat healthier, so would Bones, and that means no fried chicken. Maybe I can find a recipe for some nice baked chicken. Not today though, I need to find an easier dish. A budding chef, I am not.

Flipping across the book of ‘Bones approved recipes’ I finally came across a casserole that sounded quick and delicious. Okay, so it also sounded very simple. New, and still learning, cook here; so, no one should expect a soufflé from me.

Once the food was on all I could do was sit there and worry. What if the girl had been a figment of my imagination brought about by the trauma done to my body? Would Bones have me committed to a mental health facility? Would he leave me? Should I tell him about her? What if the girl is real? What would he do if she was not fine? What if – what if she was dead and the woman was alive? Oh fuck, why won’t my mind stop tormenting me about her?

Yes, I had made a promise to that lady and I am doing everything within my power to keep that promise. I just – I need a break from being me, so damned bad. The stress of the accident, the little girl, fucking Starfleet, the damned shuttle company, and my budding relationship with Bones… yeah, I want to run now more than I ever had before the accident. Only difference is I can’t run anymore. I know I have to face all of this and right this second all I can do is hope that Bones will remain my shoulder to lean on because without him I really will crumble in on myself.

I should have suspected that a panic attack was striking. I didn’t though. So, when Bones came home; I finally crumbled. I truly cannot remember much; other than begging him to stay and apologizing for being so useless.  
   
I do not remember passing out. I remember Bones chewing me out for trying to do too much, once I came to. “You need time to heal Jim. I don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is, it can wait.”

With that comment, I knew I couldn’t hide what I saw anymore. I had to tell him and risk getting locked up – or I would go mad figuring it out all on my own. “Bones, what do you think about the afterlife?” I ask him softly.

He blew out a breath and sat down before looking me straight in the eye and honestly answering, “I honestly don’t know kid. I never died before. Why? Something bothering you?”

“I – promise not to lock me up?” Yes Bones, I may be losing my mind – don’t lock me away. What a moron I am sometimes.

He looked at me suspiciously before finally agreeing. With his agreement, I finally opened up and told him everything. My death and everything I saw. Which was tripping; I told him of the little girl and her mother and my promise to the mother and hiring a detective to look for her.

He was chewing on his lip when he looked up at me and nodded. “We don’t understand what happens after we die Jim, so I am not discrediting you or calling you crazy. You did what you felt you had to do. Now, until the detective confirms _or_ denies her existence I want you to put her out of your mind and concentrate on what steps you want to take next. Beyond the lawyer and everything. Do you want a job? What kind of job do you want? This is just as important as the little girl is if not more so. Because Jim, what are you going to do when you find her? If you find her? Okay? Can you do that for me?”

As strange as it might seem, that was exactly what I needed to hear to calm down. He was right of course. There was nothing I could do, except prepare for whatever tomorrow will throw at me. “Thanks Bones.”

“No problem. Now, feed me,” he said with a laugh. I could tell that there were questions swirling through Bones mind, but he was being generous enough to let it lie until I could regain some balance in my life.

I served him a meal and really thought about what he was saying. With the money, I was sure to get from the lawsuit I could just lounge around and live in the lap of luxury, but wow, what a boring existence. I needed a reason to get up every morning. I needed something to, at the very least; keep my mind active and my hands busy.

The next day I went about making a list of possible careers and my thoughts about each one.

1\.       Tutor: Trying to cram studies into someone – probably not.  
2\.       Teacher: No, I don’t feel like teaching boneheads anything.  
3\.       Computer Repair: Possible, but would still be dealing with idiots.  
4\.       Computer Security Consultant: as long as Star Fleet doesn’t ask - their security is incredibly lax.  
5\.       Computer Programmer: Strong Possibility - not very exciting though.  
6\.       Chef: Okay, seriously - so far, I like cooking for Bones, but to cook at that level I will need serious schooling.  
7\.       Singer: Yeah, if I could carry a tune.  
8\.       Song Writer: Don’t know an A flat from a C minor – That would go over well with whoever I try to sell his music to.  
9\.       Office Job: No, I would wind up killing my boss or co-workers.  
10\.   Writer: Very good prospect. I could work from home, take some cooking lessons from someone other than Eleanor, and who knows what else. **note** Write a short story and send it off to some place for publishing. If well received plan for longer projects.

Not a whole lot of choices; at least not that I could think of. Maybe I need to talk to Bones or a – guidance counselor. I just wish I knew someone I could really talk to here. I’m in an unknown sea and I am unsure of whom to trust, except for Bones, of course. I’ll have to bounce the ideal of me being a writer off of Bones. He will tell me the absolute truth. Although, maybe I can just show him my short story first and tell him my plans. Oh, hells yeah, I like that plan. I am actually keen on the idea of writing and I can research online and find out what sort of stories are being well received. 

It is amazing the weird process my brain goes through for decision making these days. Sometimes I wonder if I should consider getting professional help, but I do not like the thought of someone I don't know poking at wounds that are still healing. No matter how old some of them are, they just don't heal and I am fine with that. I learned as a young kid that it's okay for the hurt to stay, just so long as you don't let the pain rule your life.

I need a hobby or job to fall back on in case of writer's block or being a total failure at writing. I doubt I will be a failure at writing; I can bullshit my way out of, just about, any situation. As for the fall back - hmmm.

I adore Eleanor, but her methods of teaching me to cook. Yeah, I definitely need some cooking classes. Nothing hoity-toity or fancy, just a plain cooking class. Maybe the local community college offers Casseroles 101 or some class like that. Hell, to be honest I could probably stand to be put in a High School home economics class. How embarrassing would that be? I bet the principal wouldn't take too kindly to me asking if I could enroll anyway. Would probably be sent to jail as a pedophile. Maybe I can just find out who the teacher is and pay for private lessons. There's an idea and it's a lot better than possibly being thrown in jail.

Public school teachers are, thankfully, listed on the school website. So all I have to do is find out who teaches home economics and - what the genuine fuck? How is this my luck? Bones never once said that his mother was a teacher and lucky me she's the home economics teacher. Right, plan B; search local colleges for possible cooking classes and look on the Internet for virtual cooking classes.

I push my frustration to the side and set about my search for popular writing and cooking classes. I was a bit surprised by everything thrown my way. Popular writing is in the eye of the beholder I guess. There were books in the popular writing section that I wouldn't recommend a Klingon read and some of those 'historically accurate' (ha!) autobiographies? Yeah, someone needs to sit the author down and explain what embellishes is appropriate and what makes him or her seem like an overzealous twat.

The Kelvin stories are bad. It pisses me off that some of these people honestly think it is okay to write about an incident and throw out speculations; like it was my dad who went crazy and killed so many people on-board. However, the Tarsus writers are by far the worse. It sickens me that some people believe that Kodos the Butcher should be venerated. After all, he did save half of the population. Never mind that he slaughtered the other half and that the steps were unnecessary. Pay no attention to the images of the starving children that were saved; they were obviously faked to make Kodos look bad. Obviously, it was the Federation's fault and they were using outdated propaganda to keep the people in line.

Honestly, it's idiots like that; that give legitimate authors a bad name and sets back civilization. You had better believe that if the Federation was to blame I would be right there in front setting the record straight. However, I lived through that nightmare and I know who to hold responsible.

I quickly shut down the 'popular writing' pages and look to something that, I hope, will be more cheering. Sadly, not a lot of colleges offer cooking courses. I mean sure, there are chef schools, but I don't want to be a chef. I just want to learn how to cook! How to do more than boil water and burn toast. Yes, I can program the replicator to make all of this for me, but cooking is different; cooking is a type of art that is lost on most people.

Of course, any local cooking classes have Elanor's fingers all in the pie. Finally, I find a cooking class three town over catering to men. I read over the class summary and the teacher's credentials and I am sold. I want to take this class.

Mr. Sanjeti, was a 4 star chef and more importantly an owner of a diner that offers old fashioned home cooked meals. For classes he offers courses for beginners, intermediate, and of course advanced. Seeing as my cooking skills leave much to be desired I only set my eyes on the beginner’s course; which he promises to teach how to do a few casseroles, some simple grilling, and a few sides that are not canned vegetables.

I am actually excited about the prospect of learning to cook. First I check the class schedule and find out I am two weeks too late to start this round of classes, but I can catch the next round that starts in two months time. Which again, is good. I do need to discuss this with Bones and I need to look at creative writing courses and getting a vehicle I can operate.

I hate being home bound. I accept that I will be in this chair for the rest of my life. I know that even if I learn to walk it will be short distances and I will have to sit back down. I am, well not okay, but I acknowledge this to be the truth and I am willing to adjust enough to accept it.

Being wheelchair bound does not mean I have to be home bound. There have been people in the past who have led a fulfilling life and I will too. It's not about the physical limitations, it's about the limitations I put on myself and the limitations I let others put on me and I have made up my mind that there will be none.

Luck, good and bad, has always been on  my side and luck decided to kick my ass just as I felt like I was getting my life in order. Thomas called and said that there is a wrinkle in the case, but he's doing his best to smooth it over and please, be patient and not to expect miracles.

Then of course, Scotty calls; he's found the girl - she's real - and she is in an orphanage. Fuck my life. The little girl's name is Joanna Treadway, she is seven years old, she had very minimal physical damage during the crash, her mother, Jocelyn, died in the shuttle. This I knew and the one thing I did not know, and that broke my heart, is that her father, Clay, had died two weeks before the shuttle crash. They had been in the process of moving to a cheaper location. No aunts, no uncles, and her grandparents died before she was born.

Of course, when I heard all of this I knew one thing, that there was a little girl I promised to help busy getting lost in an outdated system. I can only hope that Bones wants children, because there is no way, I am leaving this girl an orphan. Meaning I will need to get back in touch with Thomas and see about getting the adoption going. After I talk to Bones. Really? How is this reality my life? Just as things seem to be going good something falls in front of me to put on the breaks.

No, that is the wrong way to think. Joanna is not a block; I am sure she will be a blessing and help me as much as I hope to help her. Okay, first thing first; wait for Bones to come home and try not to pull out my hair in frustration while waiting for him to come home.

I take deep breaths and center myself. I cannot let everything worry me. I should only worry about what I can control, which at this point, isn't a hell of a whole lot. Maybe, I should write down all this shit that is happening to me now. The hell I am going through learning how to walk, how to deal with not leading the life I had planned, and how to love again. Learning how to love is the hardest for me. It's never easy to let someone in and to open your heart.

I'm trying though. We are living together and I am hoping that he is with me out of love, not out of guilt or some misplaced need to protect or heal.

I sit there and let the what ifs and whys circle in my mind. Making me worry more and more. I don't like to worry and I don't like feeling insecure. After what feels like hours Bones finally comes home. Time to bite the bullet and lay all my cards on the table.

"Bones," I say softly as he enters the kitchen.

"Hey Jim, what's wrong?" His brow is creased and I can tell he's worried. Possibly about me or about anything I am fixing to say.

"I love you," I say firmly willing him to believe me. This is not something I want to put off, we need to settle this before the situation gets out of control in my head.

"I know, I love you too. You know that don't you?" He asks me. I nod even though I still have a lingering doubt deep in my heart.

"Scotty found her. She wasn't a figment of my imagination," I inform him without breaking it softly.

"Well, I'm not surprised by that. So, want to tell me about her?" Bones nudges me trying to speed the process up a little. He may regret that.

"She's an orphan now and I want to adopt her." Okay, so I was a bit blunt, however, I feel bluntness is needed in situations like this.

"She has no family? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles?" He asks me, like I might have neglected to look that far.

"I know it rarely happens these days Bones, but she's in an orphanage. Her name is Joanna. She's in Triskle Hall... Bones, she doesn't belong there. That is for kids who are out of control and their parent's can't handle them. She's not a problem child - she's alone and I can't stand the thought of her being in there like a delinquent. Imagine losing your mother and father and then being put in a home for troubled children. I will  understand if you want to leave me for this, but please, don't make me decide between you and her. It would break my heart, but I would choose you and always wonder about her," Yes, it's been established that I tend to babble. You should have been expecting it at this point.

"Damn it all Jim, shut up and let me talk. I'm not going to make you choose. I don't know anything about this girl, but I agree with you. We can adopt her, together, or at least take her in as a foster child. She's going to need a lot of psychological help if what you are saying is true. Are you ready for that? For waking up in the middle of the night to sooth nightmares? Hold her hand? Run off the boys or girls when she gets to be a teenager? You have to consider all of this," Bones said calmly as he grabbed my hand and held tight. I smile at him and lay my forehead against his hip. 

"How did I get lucky enough to catch you? I did think of all of this. Hell I thought of all of that and more. Even with all the horrible what ifs and the maybes - I want to be there for this little girl. I know what it's like to lose everything and be lost and alone in the world and it's not like I don't already wake up in the middle of the night myself. We can share our nightmares over ice cream and I can tell her stories and - yeah, I want this and I think she would be good for me, for us. I think you would make a perfect daddy Bones. You can scare away any suitor with your frowns, I can test my cooking creations on you both, and maybe I can write some children's stories for her. I know I can program a computer to do lovely graphics and then I can put words to them. I can move into your bedroom, if you'll let me and we can make up my room for her. Make it up however she wants. Princesses and footballs and please?" I will admit that I am beginning to get excited and filled with joy at the thought of having a daughter with Bones. It is too fast, but it felt perfect.

Bones bit his lip and let all of my rambling wash over him. I do my best to keep quiet and not to further influence his decision. Though I sat there hoping and praying that he would see things my way. That this would be another start for us and not the end.

"Having a kid is a big responsibility. They aren't like a puppy or a kitten. You don't get a break from being a parent even if you are sick. They come with a shit load of stress. Is this what you want? What about work? Did you think of the future?" Bones asks me seriously.

"I truly want this. I thought about work and what I could do. I figured I could write and maybe do some consulting on the side. You heard me earlier. This, shit Bones, I have been thinking of nothing but the future all day. She, she needs us and I think we need her."

I watch as Bones scrunches up his face and sighs before saying, "I think you're right. It will take some effort and we will have to get our asses in gear. Mom is going to push us to get married, but I don't think we're ready for that."

If I could jump up and hug him, I would have, as it was I pulled him into a tight hug and thanked him. We have a long road ahead of us, but it is going to be so worth it.

Thomas, of course, handled the court cases beautifully. Triskle hall was in such a hurry to get her out of there that it only took a few months to finalize the adoption. We added Joanna to the lawsuit once we had custody of her and she shyly chose to take the name Joanna Treadway Kirk-McCoy. It was her way of honoring us and her departed parents. Bones and I were very touched when she asked if she could use our names and her old name. We assured her we didn't want her to forget her mom and dad, but we did want to take care of her, even if she didn't want our last names. That of course had been the thing to seal the deal with hugs. The shuttle company pays handsomely and Joanna now has a sizable trust fund for when she graduates. Star Fleet finally caved a and pay my insurance and honorably discharging us both, though they held onto the right to call us in for consultations. I am actually grateful for that. This way I can honor my bet and still set about living my life with Joanna and Bones.

Eleanor is - a strong willed and happy grandmother who does her dead level best to spoil Joanna rotten at every turn. glaring and Bones until he caves in and asks me to marry him (in front of his mother and a giggling Joanna.) I say yes, of course. Joanna has her good days and her bad. The good days are starting to outnumber the bad. we know she is testing our boundaries and honestly we are testing hers, but it is going better than I had hoped. Bones is smug bastard and swears she takes after him when she gives me her first lecture. On par with everything as we are starting to settle in, Pike decides to start using me as a consultant. I am back and fourth between Atlanta and Georgia as often as the doctors will clear me for travel (which still makes me a bit uncomfortable.) Grandma is more than happy to watch Joanna during these trips. She always worries and insists I call her before we take off and when we arrive. Bones also insists that he has to be there with me. in case there are any complications... though I think the real reason is so he knows I am coming back.

It was on one of those visits that I, inadvertently, save Vulcan. If the idiots had paid any attention to Pike’s paper, they would have caught it as well. It was just another almost adventure that I can write about. Maybe I can write about the maybe’s in my next book.

I beat Pike’s bet. I saved a fucking planet as a civilian. Vulcan and Starfleet are calling me a hero, I don’t care. Saving Vulcan saved Earth and saved my planet and family. Now is I can talk Bones into setting a wedding date, something I am sure Eleanor and Joanna will be happy to help me with, I can live happily ever after... with my family.

~Fin~


End file.
